1.9.25
State Chaplaincy Conference (SCC) provides space for our diverse community of chaplains to connect and share stories from the field, spurring each other on in the work they do caring for their communities.
At this year’s conference in October they’ll be equipped by 10 expert speakers, including keynote speaker Dr Bruce Robinson. Bruce is a physician, cancer researcher, and 2013 Australian of the Year. He’s also the founder of the Fathering Project; a not-for-profit helping fathers positively engage with their children through research-based resources and programs.
YouthCARE Chief Executive Officer Tamsyn Cullingford recently sat down with Bruce for a chat ahead of SCC. Here’s some of that conversation.
Tamsyn: “What are the big rocks in your life? What are the big things that have made up your experience and your passions?”
Bruce: “My career as a physician has kind of been the hub. I’ve loved being a doctor. I was teaching medical students this morning about caring for patients and seeing the person. They’re not just a disease. I’ve learned so much not just from being a doctor but being able to see the person. It’s such an intimate relationship. They trust you and then they ask you questions that no one else does. And often they cry. So that’s been a rock for my life. It’s also triggered a bunch of other things. I’m a lung specialist. I’ve seen hundreds and hundreds of people, and I’ve been the one to tell them. It’s talking to men, sitting there talking about their regrets that got me getting involved in fathering. I didn’t plan to set up The Fathering Project … It all came from the consulting room.”
Tamsyn: Life is busy. There’s a lot of different competing things … There’s more and more two-working-parent families, focusing on advancing career, focusing on all of those things. Regret can be a really easy thing, because life can just get away from you. Ten years can just go by before you’ve even considered how much time has gone by. What are your tips for actually stopping that from happening?
Bruce: “It’s not work-life balance … It’s about how you make the most of it … Start work late one morning and take your kids to breakfast, one at a time. If you’ve got three kids, it’s three breakfasts. If you have to work later that night, so be it. It’s about changing the shape of your day and being intentional … The busier you are, the more powerful it is. When you’re busy and you choose to spend time with a child and you listen to them, the child subconsciously says hey my mum and my dad are really busy, they’re choosing to spent time with me … I must be worth spending time with. If I had to pick one thing that I could put into a little capsule and give every single parent, it would be a pill that they could give to their kids that contains worth, to feel worthwhile. To feel worthwhile is the best protection against all the epidemics we’ve got.”
Tamsyn: “How can chaplains in schools or sporting clubs help dads and parents support their kids better, so we can actually make that difference to the next generation?”
Bruce: “First of all, I love chaplaincy. School chaplaincy, sports chaplaincy … it’s such a powerful and wonderful thing. (With school chaplaincy) there’s someone there to catch my child who’s not me. It’s so wonderful for a child to be able to talk to someone like that. I also love the other end … There’s all sorts of things that parents are confronted with now that were not part of their experience. They don’t know what to do. Cyberbullying. The doubling of teenage anxiety. Chaplains are perfectly placed to get the parents together (to talk about it) … It’s such a powerful, pivotal position.”
Tamsyn: “Suffering doesn’t discriminate. If you are human and you’re alive, at some point, something hard is going to happen. You’ve done a lot of that walking with people through suffering. What would your advice be when you are caring for someone who’s going through a really hard time, walking with someone who’s in the depth of suffering, or in grief, or going through trauma? What’s your advice about how we should talk to them – how we should love them and care for them well?”
Bruce: “Learning how to talk to people who are suffering is a really important thing … In that process, listen. Avoid cliches. Avoid making it about you … When people are suffering, I ask, was anyone moved with compassion for you in that journey? Make sure it’s you. A lot of people don’t have anyone who really cares about them. It’s a very sad reality of life. In footy they’ll have a lot of mates, but who is actually caring for them? Be the person who listens, who asks the second question, and the third question, and says do you want to have a coffee and have a chat? – and then remembers! Go to your car and make a note and ask him next time. It’s a very caring thing to do.”
If you’re moved with compassion for those in your life, consider joining our diverse and supportive community of Western Australian chaplains. Find out more about YouthCARE Chaplaincy here.
YouthCARE Chief Executive Officer Tamsyn Cullingford sat down with Dr Bruce Robinson for a conversation ahead of State Chaplaincy Conference.
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